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p40 Dearest G V Wigram, - I have suffered lately from violent pain in the stomach which . . . sometimes four nights a week deprived me of rest. . . . Labouring in extreme heat, and the toil occasioned by the state of Lausanne - where there was no life to walk stayed on the Lord, and if the evil shewed itself elsewhere none that could go and meet it - so that I was pressed above strength, have occasioned this attack. . . .

But, blessed be God, I have been sustained in great repose and unspeakable peace with Him, and that, notwithstanding many things, so that I am in anything but a disposition to complain. Many of my sleepless nights have been passed in joy or in profit, repassing sometimes the evil which magnifies this immense grace, unmeasurable grace of God; but more often I believe in immediate peace with Him, and sometimes prayer for others: of the two first, I scarce know which was the most blessed, though the latter of them surely the most agreeable and I suppose the best. If sometimes sorrow for others, as to others rather, passed across my mind, it was with an indescribably soothing feeling of the perfect goodness of God, while condemning myself, so that I could bless, and see evidently the hand of God in the thought. . . .

But on the whole, above all the circumstances of this place which pre-occupy all minds here, what is eternal, the thoughts of God for Jesus and for us have risen far above all; for me it has been a time of introduction into the rest of eternity of much blessing. It crossed my mind with much, with very great blessing latterly, in reading the Acts that we should be filled with the Holy Ghost, after the resurrection in glory as now. We are apt, at least, I, to regard it as a sort of necessary force for resisting the evil, and living above it here, but also shall it be the fulness of unspeakable power of enjoyment when all shall be glory and rest, the glory and rest of God on high. This in us, in man. There is something in this communion, and certainly I have learned it more here latterly, which is above all power of communication at least, till we get there, and then I suppose we shall have it (by the unity of the Spirit and glory) with one another as with God, with the Father and with the Son Jesus. It is blessed, even in feeble measure, to have the foretaste and earnest of it here.

I see all my weakness here - weakness of conduct, and worse, weakness of faith - but too evidently, and it humbles me exceedingly; alas, it has been very great. It is very distressing when one has the interest of the church and of the saints at heart, to see one's own want of faith and fidelity hindering the inflow of blessing which might be if one had it. Nothing presses on me and humbles me so much. Once too, since I have been here - not that man has judged, or perhaps would judge - my foot has slipped through want of caution, want of patient waiting on His will: but it was a profitable season, through divine and abounding grace, of utter humiliation and renewal to my soul. In truth, I am sometimes astonished at the goodness of God, when I see what wretches we are - all the vileness and misery and pride and unbelief, which work and boil in the heart, and that for want of living in His presence, who is the source of all joy, and only strength of His people. And we are astonished at a little suffering, our own or the church's, which places us afresh in His presence. But I did not think when I began, to make you a long confession; perhaps it is a sign of good, for it is difficult to unlock my serried spirit. May abundant grace be with you and all the saints around you, and the power and strength of His presence. . . .

Ever, dearest - ,

Yours affectionately.

P.S. - I am, in a measure, for the moment, broken up from Lausanne, and therefore, with some delays of visits on the road, I hope to be among the saints in your country ere very long, but take, I suppose, if the Lord will, France, and also a flying visit to Holland on the way. But I hope to leave this soon. Grace and peace be with you. The Lord, in His infinite grace, direct all our hearts into the love of God and the patient waiting for Christ.

Lausanne, September 15th, 1840

[51018E]

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