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p451 Dear C McAdam, - We have had our meeting at Guelph. The heat was excessive, which I mention because on the one hand it was a little depressing to all, and on the other hand proved the interest, for there was no sleepiness. It was not a meeting of so much intimate communion, and so far not so much enjoyment, but this was caused by a great many fresh brethren from all parts of the United States, and some not in communion from Canada, so that it was more communication of truth, and, I believe, more useful, if not more enjoyment. We had, however, great liberty and happiness together, and it shewed the progress of truth, and will, with the Lord's blessing, be the means of spreading it. We had from eastern States and from western, and even one from Georgia. . . .

We had a good many Indians, and there there is decided progress both in numbers and in spiritual apprehension. We were very numerous. I passed two nights in a tent on the lawn, to leave room in the house for some unexpected Americans.

My present direction is West, to Milwaukee, and so Michigan gatherings or settlements - for one of our difficulties here is the scattering of brethren going out to take farms or places. If earnest, they gather; but sometimes, as you may think, die down in their habits, and sometimes rest faithful alone.

- has been over here trying to do mischief . . . there cannot yet be activity of good without activity of evil. The time of rest will come when evil will not be.

I write on another point. I had read carefully over the tract on "The Sufferings," and papers on the Psalms. But the meeting at Guelph, turning my mind off to general truth, left it more free and fresh to look at what I had published - for one reads till one is half unable to judge by dint of reading sometimes. I have felt all this deeply. I was not a stone to be insensible to how it was done, and who did it. But the main thing that exercised me was, however that might be, no matter - if there was the slightest word or thought to the dishonour of Christ, it was intolerable. I was quite sure I had none such, but I might have followed out a train of thought insufficiently checked by scripture, so as to produce such in my writing. I was quite willing to distrust myself and to search and research, lest there should be. I felt the enemy was in the attack, but no matter, if it helped to remove anything wrong as to Christ I should be glad of it. I feared withdrawing the papers might be giving up truth as to the sufferings of the blessed Lord. The shape it came to me on the contrary did not commend itself to me at all. But further, knowledge puffs up, and charity edifies; I had to consider whether love, and the desire to save these brethren, would not lead me to suppress these papers, even if they were not wrong at all. On the other hand, if it were an effort of the enemy to enfeeble the sense of the sufferings of Christ which the saints should have this would be only playing into his hands.

All this exercised me in prayer, examination of my statements, and examination of the scriptures. As far as I can trust myself, I examined it thoroughly, without the smallest desire or thought of saving myself: Christ's glory, which was professedly in question, made that quite immaterial. One of my accusers was too dark as to the whole question to let his statements have much result, as such, in my mind; the effect in another was such as to destroy its weight, but this did not hinder my examining it, because Christ was in question. But my mind having been directed to other subjects, as I said, at Guelph, on my return here I again looked over my papers on "The Sufferings," and on the Psalms. The result is complete relief to my mind. I find one or two phrases to which I might add a clearing word, which are, however, fully cleared up in other passages destined to that. But I am satisfied that there is nothing wrong, but, on the contrary, edification in the statements, where souls are able to enter into it. I have no wish to bring souls, weak in the faith, to doubtful disputations. But it is clear to me that those who have objected are either ignorant or mischievously defective as to the sufferings of the blessed Lord; that it is the darkness of error on this point in their minds - not the light of God, and error in me.

I have no thought of attacking them - God forbid - nor making the blessed Lord a field of battle on which to defend myself. But I shall not shrink from the conflict if they force me to it, nor from making matters plain. Mere attacks on myself I should not answer, but if they do not sufficiently expose themselves (as I believe they would if they come forward), and the truth of God is in question, then I will stand up, and God will judge between us, and clear His own truth. But I have no wish to drag brethren into the controversy, nor make them, and the testimony of God by them, answerable for the standing I take. I am not afraid to be alone. I feel I did right in proposing not to come, nor to teach. It is because I believe brethren are the testimony of God in quiet, peaceful unity, that I would not engage them in my battles, if I am forced into them. It is not their conflict. They are not answerable for what I have stated; some may not be convinced I am right, and they have a common path without this question, though I am sure those who do not receive the substance of what I have written will lose by it. I am going on and shall go on quietly with my work, doing nothing as to it. So I intend to do - having answered all those who honestly inquired - unless the truth is brought into question. Were I not satisfied that it would compromise the truth of Christ's sufferings, and that the enemy was driving at this, I would withdraw the papers for the sake of those who have been using them against me, without thinking about myself; but I am. This is not what they want. The truth is in question at bottom, and more than that: there is in Christ for us more than the truth. I am perfectly quiet till some occasion to act may arise. I trust the Lord for the rest. I hope I have learned a painful but a needed lesson, but with that I will not trouble others. God is gracious in everything, blessed be His name.

True love to the brethren.

Ever affectionately yours.

[Received] August 8th, 1866.

[51269E]

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