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p383 Dearest J G Bellett, - I was for some days back, waiting the moment to write to you (moving about from meeting to meeting in the Jura), moved by the same motive which brought me yours, for which I heartily thank you, and am so far glad that mine was delayed, as I had yours without even one from me. If your strength be spared a little, I hope to see you. I purpose on my way to Canada, instead of sailing from Liverpool, to go and see you in Dublin, and get on board at Cork. I trust the Lord may so order it, but His way I am sure is best. Oh, how truly I feel that! You can hardly think how I feel that, and myself a stranger here. I have ever found in you, dear brother, everything that was kind; nor be assured was it lost upon me, though I am not demonstrative.

Besides the value I had for you, it was not a small thing to me that you, with dear C. and H., were one of the first four, who with me, through God's grace the fourth, began to break bread in Dublin, what I believe was God's own work: much weakness I own in carrying it out, little faith to make good the power which was and is in the testimony, but God's own testimony I am assured - in every respect, even as to the gospel to sinners, what He was doing. I knew, for one, in no wise, the bearing and importance of what I was about, though I felt in lowliness we were doing God's work. The more I go on, the more I have seen of the world, the more of Christians, the more I am assured that it was God using us for His testimony at this time. I never felt it as I do; but it is not my purpose to dwell on it now, and I fully own our weakness. It is to you dear brother, my heart turns now, to say how much I own and value your love, and to return it; I rejoice that while I have been the object of many kindnesses on your part down here, it is one which will never cease, which has had Jesus our Master for its bond, though with many human kindnesses. But oh, what joy to know oneself united to Him! It adds a joy untold to every sweetness: it is the source of it too. Surely He is all.

For me, I work on till He call me, and though it would be a strange Dublin without you, yet I go on my way, serve others, say little and pass on. Not that I do not deeply love others, but this will all come out in its truth in heaven, perhaps on one's death-bed; but I have committed my all to Him till that day. My hope is still to see you, my beloved brother; should I not, be assured there is none who has loved you more truly and thankfully than myself; it can hardly be unknown to you, though with me it is more within than without. Peace be with you. May you find the blessed One ever near you; that is everything. Faithful is He withal and true. In His eternal presence, how shall we feel that all our little sorrows and separations were but little drops by the way, to make us feel that we were not with Him, and when with Him, what it is to be there. Oh, how well ordered all is! I ever long more to be in heaven with Him before the Father, though I desire to finish whatever He has for me to do; and if it keeps me awhile out, it keeps me out for Him, and then it is worth while, and grace. . . .

I am glad to have a moment to finish my letter, though in haste (I am full 500 or 600 miles from where I began it), and somewhat with a child's joy having nothing to do today, from those with whom I have to work here not being arrived, in the house of one most full of brotherly kindness. I have thought too of little fruit. I find that while specially happy in evangelising, my heart ever turns to the church's being fit for Christ. My heart turns there. God knew I suppose, that I was too weak and too cowardly for the other; but I reproach myself sometimes with want of love for souls, and above all, with want of courage, and love would give that - it always does; but in the consciousness of my shortcoming I leave all with Christ. He does after all what He pleases with us, though I do not seek to escape blaming myself through this; and if He is glorified I am heartily content with anything, save not to love Him.

May His joy and peace be with you, dearest -, and again thanks to you for your letter, which was a true delight to me.

Yours affectionately in our blessed Master, whom no words can rightly praise.

September, 1864.

[51232E]

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